(The title is a from a country song, so I forgive you if it sounds weird in your head because you don’t know the song–it really needs to be sung to get the ‘…’ part)
I’m sitting in the Seattle airport right now. Watching planes take off–as previously stated–until mine does at 8:30.
Border traffic was light, and so was the traffic all the way down. The rain and the wind made for a hellish drive though. I think I would rate it as the worst drive of my life. And not only because of the weather.
Have you ever raced the clock to make it in time to say goodbye to somebody you know you’ll never see again? It made every traffic light, every brake light in front of me, every gust to the car that made me slow down, excruciating. Now I’m sitting here and I will be for a few more hours. I’d rather have gotten here early though than felt the stress of crunch time at security.
I’m going to try to stick with my regular diet as much as possible on this trip, although I know it’s going to be a challenge. Luckily I had a good amount of presoaked almonds in the fridge at home so I packed those and some raisins. In Bellingham I stopped and picked up a couple of raw cheeses and some gluten-free crackers. I broke my water-only-until-noon fast this morning. There’s a time for fasting and this isn’t it.
This whole trip is feeling a little surreal. I haven’t had time to get used to the idea that my Grandpa’s going to die soon (and that it’s seemingly imminent) and here I am getting ready to board a plane.
I won’t get to go up north this year because I’m spending over $1000 to take this trip which is money I’d designated for my clutch. I’ll have to save that amount again and put it towards my clutch instead of taking my trip north. But the good side of this disappointment is that because I was inspired to do a pilgrimage to the north, I started saving money in January. When this situation with my grandpa came up, I had the money to take this trip to California instead.
Everything in life happens for a reason. I was going to go back to school last fall, but I got sick. I was going to go up north on the trip of a lifetime in June, but now I’m heading south in February. Sometimes things happen in life that say “You’re on the wrong path. That’s not where you need to go right now.” I feel lucky to have had two such moments in the last year, and that I didn’t resist them.
Talking to my mum yesterday, I told her that this trip was something I had to do “instinctually’. She countered with “But we’re not an instinctual people”, or something to that effect. I have been working so hard to relearn to trust my instincts. It’s a gift we all have as children and it tends to get gradually stifled as we get older. I think life flows better and there’s less heartache when I trust my instincts.